It’s been such a long time since I’ve published anything on this blog.
A good nine months to be exact.
My last post was about easing into 2023, and I guess I took that concept pretty literally.
It may seem as though I’ve disappeared from the internet altogether.
I haven’t shared much on the blog, my newsletter, or Instagram for a very long time.
There are so many reasons why I haven’t, yet it wasn’t as if there was a defining moment or specific event in my life that caused me to take a step back.
It was more like an accumulation of little things that built up over time.
The more I got out of the rhythm of writing, the easier it was to stay out of that rhythm.
Whenever I tried to write a post, some kind of roadblock would get in the way (whether literal or from my own mind), and I took it as a sign that it wasn’t meant to be shared.
Or I’d go to send a newsletter and another tragic world event would happen, and I felt like nothing that I was doing or saying was important enough in that moment.
Perhaps I felt as if people were relying on me to help them have a ‘blissful mind’, but I was struggling to have that myself.
Letting it go
I thought many times about just letting go of this whole thing. To stop paying for website hosting, to let the domain name expire, and to delete all of my old posts.
The question on my mind most often was,
‘If this feels so hard, does that mean it’s time to let go?’
But I never truly felt like that was the right choice.
I still had things to say, even if I couldn’t quite figure out what they were.
And yet, taking a break didn’t feel like an option for some reason.
Like I couldn’t just step away for a while and be honest about needing that time away.
Instead, I kept thinking, ‘No, I can push through. I can make this work.’
But it didn’t work. It didn’t work for years.
So I ended up taking an unintentional break, the kind where I didn’t tell anyone that I was doing it.
It just kind of happened.
In a way, it felt like I was giving up.
Now I’ve realized that I needed that space.
Giving myself time
I needed to truly give myself time to think through my ideas without rushing them.
I needed to embrace a slower pace rather than putting unnecessary pressure on myself to keep posting for the sake of staying ‘relevant’.
Creativity takes time. Writing takes time. Processing your thoughts and emotions takes time.
I needed time to think through my ideas and time to actually write them without being on some kind of rigid schedule.
It turns out that forcing deadlines upon myself doesn’t serve me, but working on my ideas slowly but surely does.
Though I’ve spent a lot of time feeling doubt, shame, and annoyance at myself, I think this break was meant to happen when it did.
The good thing is that it’s given me time to explore new things.
I’ve worked with a wonderful time management coach who helped me create a healthy, flexible schedule for myself.
I’ve been exploring my relationship with spirituality, which is something I’ve never thought much about before.
And I’ve been trying to find my personal style again after three years of wearing nothing but leggings and sweatshirts.
This space in between has given me room to come back to myself.
To listen to what I need and to take things at my own pace.
I hope that in reading this, you can use this as a reminder to give yourself space when you need it.
If you feel like you’re forcing something or you just can’t give it your all anymore, it’s okay to take a step back.
It doesn’t mean you have to let go completely. Maybe you just need to spend some time away so you can come back with a fresh perspective.
And if there’s something you’ve had on pause for a while and you’re ready to come back to it now, we can do this together.
All of this is to say that I’m writing more, and I’m planning to publish more because I’ve given myself space to think clearly.
I’ve listened to myself and my inner guidance which is telling me this is the right thing to do at this time.
They say transformation isn’t about rearranging what already exists; it’s about burning things down and starting from the ground up.
But I’m not doing that.
I’m not getting rid of everything that I’ve created in the past.
What I am getting rid of is the pressure to feel like I’m some kind of expert who has all of life’s answers. All I can really share are the things that I’ve experienced and learned for myself.
And I’m no longer comparing myself to a previous version of who I was or to anyone else for that matter.
I’ve heard it said that the only pathway to your dream life is through your deepest insecurities, so that’s what I’m working on.
I want to truly listen to what’s within me. And to share openly and freely without putting so much pressure on myself.
I can’t promise anything in terms of consistency, but I do have quite a few thoughts lined up to share with you.
And honestly, there’s been one singular habit that I’ve adopted that has helped me with this return. I’ll share more with you on that in the next post.
If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, thank you for sticking around. And if you’re new here, you’ve come at a good time :)
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