Last Updated on May 24, 2022
I’m going to start this post off with a little story. We’re about to get personal, yo.
If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you’ve probably gathered that I’m a pretty motivated person who believes in myself and my dreams. Unfortunately, there have been times in the past when I haven’t always prioritized my own values, and I’ve let myself get caught up with toxic people who made me second-guess my worth.
One of these toxic people was a guy I dated for a short while (the word dated is used very loosely here) who I pushed everything aside for. I wasn’t in a particularly good place in my life anyway, and all I wanted was for him to like me. I would put off doing my schoolwork, I stopped exercising, I ate terribly, and I sat and stared at my phone waiting for him to text when I should have been working.
Did he do any of that for me? You bet your bottom dollar he did not.
I kept trying to justify his actions (of being a generally sketchy and non-committal person), but really I was just making excuses for him. I overvalued him, and undervalued myself. Eventually it fizzled out because I realized what I had been doing to myself just to impress someone else. And I didn’t want to do that anymore.
I had more important things to do with my time, y’know?
That’s when I decided that I was going to be a high-value person.
What am I talking about when I say high-value person? I mean that you value yourself and know your worth. You have the confidence and integrity to go after your dreams, desires, wants, and needs without relying on anyone else to give you value. You prioritize yourself.
Once I started embracing this high-value mentality, I started to feel more in control of my life. Sometimes it’s hard when your friends, family, co-workers, or clients seem to be in need of your undivided attention. Maybe you’re even letting social media dictate your life, or putting your dreams on hold because you’re distracted.
If you’re doing any of the above, you’re not taking yourself seriously enough. But I guarantee that once you start valuing yourself, you’ll notice that people will respect you and your time more.
So are you a high-value person? Here are 3 ways to tell.
3 Ways To Tell You’re A High-Value Person
You don’t push your priorities aside for others.
This doesn’t mean you’re selfish and put your own needs before others all the time. You just recognize when other people are worth your time. Think of that famous quote that says, ‘Don’t make someone a priority when they only make you an option.’ That’s solid advice.
Yes, you should do things for other people without expecting anything in return, but you also can’t put your own priorities and responsibilities aside for another person who simply does not value you. A high-value person has goals and aspirations that they will work towards without letting anyone get in the way.
How to do it: Let people know what you’re working on. Tell them how important it is to you, and don’t apologize for the way you spend your time.
You are unapologetically you.
You know your own worth, so you don’t try to get it from other people. You aren’t trying to do things for a reaction, or acting a certain way to impress someone else. Instead of worrying about how others perceive you, you’re out there making your dreams happen. Sure, people might tell you you’re crazy or doing it the wrong way, but you go ahead with your plan because you know it’s right for you. You trust your intuition and let it guide you in the right direction.
You also have a great deal of self-awareness, which means you recognize your strengths and weaknesses without anyone else pointing them out to you.
How to do it: If you find yourself stretching or hiding the truth from someone because of how they might judge you, remember that the only person you need to impress in life is yourself. Don’t try to hide the quirky things that make you who you are.
You know your standards.
You set standards for yourself, and you communicate them to others. If you don’t like the way someone is behaving, you let them know why it’s not vibin’ with you. You know that you don’t have to put up with nonsense if you don’t want to.
You also understand that your values are non-negotiable, and you will set boundaries when necessary. The way you spend your time is precious, and you want to spend it with people who make you feel content. You also want to spend it doing things that will get you closer to where you want to be, so if it’s not happening, you’re going to find a way.
How to do it: Get really clear on your values. Think about the types of people and activities you want to fill your life with, and let go of any that don’t bring substance to your life.
What If I’m Not A High-Value Person?
Maybe you read those three things and thought, ‘Well turns out I am not a high-value person after all.‘ Guess what? We all forget to value ourselves; sometimes for a little while, and sometimes for way too long.
The most important thing to remember is that if you want to be a high-value person, you are already on your way to becoming a high-value person. If you want to work on yourself without letting anyone else dictate your life, you’re on the right track. Keep doin’ you.
What does high-value mean to you? Leave a comment below!
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This is a fabulous post. I can tell you that I’ve worked on number one with my therapist all year. Ha! So I am hopefully on my way. I feel good about knowing my values and my standards, it’s just sometimes I don’t communicate them well. This is such a good message to spread! What an insightful post. :)
It can be really tricky to communicate your standards, especially when you think people might be put off by them. I’m definitely trying to get clearer on mine and actually letting people know what I expect of them. I’m usually such a laid back person that it feels weird to create boundaries – but I know it’s necessary! Glad you liked this post, Amanda! xo
Love this, friend. I definitely think you’re right– the way people perceive our value is a reflection of how we view it ourselves!
So true! What you project into the world is what the world will give in return!
Glad that to know I am a high-valued person, but I sort of knew that already. :) I also wasn’t like this during most part of my life, which just shows that we can change. :)
So glad to hear that you’re a high-value person, Nicia! And you’re right, it’s a change we can make for ourselves!
Oh yes … I’ve gone down relationship roads like that in the past! ? This is such an important message – thanks for sharing :)
I think we’ve all been there! And the same can happen for friends and family too. Thanks, lady!
I loved this post Catherine! I could really relate to some of the feelings you wrote about and struggle with this myself. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of a book called, “The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck”? The title is very similar to a book you already know ;) It is amazing and and touches on some of the things you wrote about here in a funny way :)
I’ve totally heard of that but haven’t picked it up! I’m going to add it to my reading list now hehe
SUCH a good post on an important topic. I had an experience very similar to yours in college, when I totally changed my mindset around how I allowed people to treat me. It is so important!
Thanks, Les! There was always that voice in the back of my head saying ‘You’re better than this’ but I just didn’t listen. But it’s all about making that choice to be better!
Super well thought out and to the point.
I have a bad habit of giving my time and attention to others when I need to be doing things for me. Definitely gotta work on that!
xoxo
Danielle
Afloat On A Full Sea
Thanks, Danielle! It’s definitely hard to find that balance. You don’t want people to walk all over you but you also don’t want to come across as selfish. It’s always a work in progress, really!
When I came into college, it got a lot easier for me to prioritise myself because I didn’t feel like I “owed” anyone anything, whereas back in high school, there was so much history with people and I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so I would tolerate the toxic people in my life. But no more! -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey’s
Coming into my second year of college and living on my own, I’ve realized how important it is to believe in the worthiness of myself. I used to settled for anything in relationships, and that is no longer the case. It is liberating, and I will never go back. Profound words here, Catherine. Absolutely profound.
So true! Thanks for sharing, Catherine!
Another beautiful article! Can’t wait to share this one :) Thank you, Catherine!
Love this! I realized my freshmen year of college I am definitely a high value person. It wasn’t until my second semester I realized this. This post definitely gave me a new perspective on myself. Loved this so much!!
Hi Catherine,
thank you so much for this article. In the last couple of years i got rid of some people in my life, i considered good friends.
we were more of a small group of people who hang out with each other at home, play cards and drink beer and had some fun.
It was only after my mom passed away, that i noticed those people staying away more often.
Although that hurt, it also opened my eyes and made me think.
I’m always trying to help someone, wherever i can and sometimes that can attract the wrong crowd.
My lesson here is to surround yourself with people who make you feel wanted. make you feel happy.
And give that to them in return. Although i’ve learned in time, that i’m dependend on other people to feel good, it sure makes life a lot more fun.
Great article, thanks. This is very useful somehow.
I realised only a year or two ago (I’m 66 now!) that I had absolutely no sense of self whatsoever. I’d spent my whole life running after people, jumping when anyone said jump, dropping my plans immediately if someone/anyone suggested that I do something different. If I got the feeling that someone/anyone didn’t like me, I’d fall over myself trying to “make” them like me.
I can’t remember what it was that made me realise that this was no way to live my life but from then on I determined that I wasn’t going to do any of that any more. Mostly I succeed in this respect; occasionally, I slip back into doing what everyone else wants and forgetting my own rights – as you say, it’s always a work in progress!
I enjoyed your article and will be reading it often, I’m sure. Keep up the good work, Catherine.
Val,
I am just learning this about myself late in life. Any suggestions?
Vicki
Its great and useful article .
Self control and being true to ourself is also high value.
A high value person within a purists definition is a person true to their own values, a person who understands values driven by the importance of their own influence, a person who understands the importance of their own values to others and the world at large, like the saying a man sees in the world what he carries in his heart. To me high values represent morale fibre the importance of courage when it serves the common good, wisdom because it manifests destiny and self actualisation because a Robert Maslow said what a man can be he must be.
Thank you, but I think what you are describing is a person with high values, not a high value person. I would imagine that a high value person is someone that constantly looks for opportunities to bring value to other people’s lives, but I am not sure. Just starting out with this research topic. Thank you for your effort.
Hi Riaan! I guess in my mind, a high-value person is a person with high values so they’re sort of interchangeable, but I get what you mean. I think it’s so important to provide value to others (which I always try to do with my blog posts), but I also know that people can take advantage of you so you have to be able to protect your self-worth and prioritize yourself over others sometimes.
This is so so important. You’ve totally hit the nail on the head for me, I’m going to keep focussing on being me :) xx
Over the years i have been living by what people think and decide for me… But not anymore.. Thanks for this🖤