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Today is my 30th birthday.
I know most people see this age as quite the milestone, but I’m feeling quite chill about entering my thirties.
At this stage in my life, I feel more sure of myself than I have before. I still feel lost some days, but I’m more clear on what matters to me now.
When I was in my early twenties, every day felt like a battle to figure out what I was going to do with my life. The same thoughts that replayed in my mind: What’s my purpose? Why don’t I know what career I want? Will I feel uncertain forever?
I’ve heard that your thirties bring more certainty. Perhaps it’s not so much certainty, but the feeling of being less concerned with what other people think or what you’re supposed to be doing.
Of course, there’s no one we spend more time with than ourselves. As we grow older, we know ourselves more simply because we’re growing up alongside ourselves.
The longer we spend inside these bodies and minds, the more we learn about who we are and what we want.
Saying that, I’ve never had a clearly defined vision of where I want to be. Some people know they want to live in the countryside with green pastures, or in a high rise overlooking a bustling city.
I would like to try both if I had the chance. I would love to wake up and see the sunrise over the city skyline. But I’d also love to wake up and tend to some chickens in my own backyard.
Sometimes I feel like I’m too indecisive, but I’m trying to see this as a blessing instead of a curse. I have to try things in order to figure out what I like and what I dislike. How else can we really learn what we want?
In my thirties, I hope I can look back and say, ‘I tried everything on my list of ideas’. I hope I can say, ‘I didn’t overthink my way out of the things that I want to try.’
I wish I could tell younger Catherine that she won’t feel lost forever. I’d tell her that her hard work will pay off. I’d give her some credit for the choices she made. I’d tell her to keep doing what she enjoys, even if it doesn’t make sense or no one else seems to get it.
I’d say the biggest takeaway from my twenties is that things often have a way of working out in ways you never could have planned for.
If you are true to yourself about what you want, things will eventually work out in your favor.
Thank you for reading my musings. If you’ve been around since the beginning of The Blissful Mind, you’ve essentially come along for the ride with me as I navigate my twenties.
Let’s see what this next decade has in store, shall we? 😅